On January 1st of this year, I stood proudly in a restaurant surrounded by over 20 friends and associates sharing my highlights from 2012. When prompted to briefly discuss my plans for 2013 I decided not to. I remember telling them that my only hope for the new year was to be great. Looking back now, I think the very last thing I was this year was…”great.”
2013 proved to be one of the most challenging years I have ever lived through. It feels as if I have stumbled from one mistake to another, with barely any time to completely process everything, much less breathe. There have been so many times I have doubted myself, doubted those around me, laid wide awake in the middle of the night staring at the ceiling wondering if the torrential rainstorm clouds hanging over would ever dissipate. It has taken everything in me to not lay where I have fallen, on numerous occasions, and become bitter.
As Iyanla Vanzant-esque as it may sound, the most precious gift I have received this year is a new me. I am finally becoming aware of my power, talents and flaws. In recognizing where and why I have fallen short in the past, I can no longer sit and be naive about myself. When you know better, you do better, and I suppose this will be the challenge facing me in the new year. I am sitting in my office as I type this feeling horrible about a simple mistake I committed on a project. The old Val would have swept the mistake under the rug and played stupid. But the new Val, the one who wants everything to be open and clear, has taken full ownership of it — as painful as it was to do– and is dealing with the repercussions. This shit is hard. Growth hurts.
There was a time this year that I stopped dreaming. I abandoned my writing, threw away my vision board and wasted my free time watching Netflix. I didn’t feel worthy of asking the Universe for anything, and even if I did I wouldn’t have known what to ask for. But through this blog I have broken past those paralyzing fears. I feel ready to aggressively pursue what I feel should be mine. I love writing. I love discussing my life, social events and anything else under the sun in the written word and having all of you join the conversation to provide new insights and challenges. I am so thankful to all of you ( and Lord knows there is so many of y’all) who have visited this site, shared it with others, commented on posts, etc.
I don’t know what the new year will have in store for me. Maybe I’ll get better at my job, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll fall in love and have it reciprocated — or not. I don’t know. What I do know is that all the struggles of this year have made me a better person, and there is nothing that I am more passionate about than writing and this blog. Blessings come in the most unexpected ways…