The Song Chronicles: Fool For You

candleWe do not meet up at LCY. Nej and I get there that Saturday and my heart is ready to burst at the seams. I’m excited, but a little voice of doubt springs up and tells me he may not show. I text Bill to let him know that I am there, but he expresses his regrets in mismanaging his time. He is out celebrating his sister’s birthday. Of course, I am not about to tell him to leave his sister and run to me but I am disappointed.

I look at the text for a while, and delete it. “That’s what you get for getting your hopes up, girl”. Nej sees the disappointment splashed on my face and is able to figure out that he will not show.

“You cannot expect that when you both made hasty plans to meet that he’d remember he had other plans. Things like this happen all the time. You do it all the time. It’s ok,” she says.

I put on a brave face for her and exclaim “Niggas ain’t shit.” Petty, but it lightened the mood.

Nej and I decided to continue to sit at the bar and enjoy each others company. After all, when all the men leave all you really have is Jesus, Oprah and your girls. Just as Nej and I start to develop a conversation, Rolf takes a seat at the bar next to me. We laugh and joke with him, but something about his demeanor with me has changed. He finds me attractive and is not afraid to show it.

I am taken aback by his brazenness and even lightly disgusted. He is much older than me. He keeps placing his hand on mine, and I keep removing it. He even goes as far to bite my hand, startling me and drawing curious glances from those around us. The drinks are flowing and the mood is light — pressuring me not to go ballistic as I may have done in other circumstances.  Nej notices but doesn’t remark on it. We are both in what you would call a state of shock.

Later that night as Nej and I go in search of some chicken (don’t judge!)  we cackle loudly down the Brooklyn blocks at the madness of it all. Bill doesn’t show up, and now his boss is making moves on me. What the hell is going on?

I cannot make heads or tails of anything and neither can Nej. We try to take it all in stride as we still love LCY and its occupants. We chalk this up as nothing more than a fun night gone weird.

As I lay in bed that night, all thoughts of Rolf’s actions vanished. All I could think of is Bill not showing up. How do I face someone who not really, but sure did stand me up?  I decide out of frustration and ego to let go of my infatuation with him. I conjure up every reason — superficial mostly — as to why nothing could ever come of this. My mind is thriving off of this new attitude, but my heart is not hearing it. I supposed  sooner or later the heart would have no choice but to jump on-board and move on.


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